Sometimes we have to sit in our pain.
There is no quick fix.
I had bunion surgery less than two weeks ago.
I’ve heard since that it’s one of the more painful surgeries to have.
-of course I only found that out post surgery.
The first 36 hours after the anesthesia wore off were the worst.
I had never experienced any surgeries or broken bones so I thought that after I took the medicine the pain would disappear.
I’m sure it would’ve been even worse without the medicine but at the time I felt like it offered no relief.
Now over a week later I’m able to hobble around in a surgical boot and get out of the house a bit.
But it started with small, painful steps.
For the first couple days after the surgery I didn’t want to try to start walking and was content to hop on one foot to get to the bathroom- which at that point was the only place I was able to get to outside of my bed.
I was not happy when my mom called the nurse and confirmed that I had to start wearing the surgical boot.
No more hoping.
I was not excited to take those first difficult steps.
Sometimes we don’t want to take those first steps to healing.
We’d rather cradle the painful thing, protect it, and hop around thinking- when it hurts less I’ll try.
But then healing, real healing can’t happen.
After lying in the same position for over a week I felt like I was about to go crazy.
I needed to do something.
But sometimes in pain we can’t do anything.
We can only wait.
It’s true that time heals.
After that painful conversation or revelation
After the news of some tragedy
Sometimes there is nothing to be done but to sit and wait.
Only after a little while can we take those first few difficult steps.
If I gave up because of the pain of those first few steps I would never be able to get healed.
My muscles would become weak and I wouldn’t be able to make them strong again.
These days I long to be back in Mongolia and three more months of waiting seems like an incredibly long time. There are many things that I value and am thankful for here but it would be untrue to say that, although I’ve built relationships and put down a few roots here, my heart isn’t still split.
But as painful as it is to not be where I want to be I know that it is God’s loving grace that He has given me these 4 months to wait.
I have no other option but to be still.
The key is, what is my mind dwelling on during those times that my body is still but my mind is fully active?
Am I dwelling on things that will heal my soul and give my heart peace?
Or am I dwelling on things that wound my soul and make my heart ache?
I can choose.
We can choose to dwell on our disappointments
Or on God’s faithfulness.
To dwell on the pain
Or on the healing