Yesterday I lost my mitten.
It was only a mitten.
It was the warmest and my favorite.
I thought it had fallen between the seats of my car
I would look for it later
This morning was a morning to write about
Unfortunately not in a good way
I had a mini meltdown in front of my students.
It wasn’t a great moment.
I was trying to teach the past tense.
It wasn’t the most exciting lesson, I admit
If we could have gotten through some irregulars we would have played some games.
But we didn’t get through them
The interest level was at about 3%
4 out of 7 kids wouldn’t have noticed if I had turned pink and started to fly.
I’ve experienced worse
But today I felt especially helpless.
After 35 minutes of feeling invisible
The emotions started to well up
The class was supposed to go on for another 25 minutes
But I couldn’t do it
I stayed calm but told them that we would finish for today and that they could go.
I sat down and attempted to maintain composure.
They started to notice me then but it was too late.
They didn’t leave, but because my tears were at their breaking point
I excused myself and locked myself in the bathroom for a few minutes
I wasn’t exactly angry with them.
I just felt helpless.
I want these final two months of classes to go well
But it’s the same problems I’ve always had.
Maybe it was my fault for not making class more interesting.
They were just kids after all.
I get it.
I was there not long ago.
But I still felt bad.
I had hoped that after returning and reestablishing some measure of composure they would be gone.
They were not.
It took some persuading for them to leave.
“We still have 15 minutes left”
“Are you sad?”
“Are you crying?”
Some stayed back to ask
I had discovered a way to get full silence and attention
But it was an awkward moment for all.
After classes were finished I was driving up the road to my home
When I spotted something in the middle of the road
There’s usually lots of trash in the roads so it wasn’t unusual
But this object looked familiar
“Is that my mitten?” I asked aloud as I drove past
I realized that it was indeed my mitten and turned around.
I was especially surprised because I thought it was somewhere hidden in my car
Evidently it was not and had spent the day and most likely the night in the middle of the road.
Miraculously it was still intact though very dusty!
I was going through an old sketchbook later on and saw a drawing from a few years ago
Titled “Hope Looks Like a Thunderstorm”
I thought of the title and drawing in light of today.
Thunderstorms aren’t usually a positive thing
They can be scary
But for my drawing
It was positive
The downpour was about to come on the dry cracked ground
All at once
So I thought
Maybe today was a thunderstorm
It was a downpour and we all got a little wet
It was uncomfortable
But if God cares so much to preserve my favorite mitten in the middle of a dusty street
How much more does He care about the important things
Like when your day feels like a downpour of difficult
And you can’t keep it all together
Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing that my students saw that I don’t always have a smile plastered on my face
Maybe it was ok that they saw me as a little vulnerable and uncomfortable.
Because hope looks like a thunderstorm
And a mitten in the middle of a street
And maybe somehow, a teacher crying in class